Times are certainly tough these days and our great Anointed One has a plan to "save" us all. It is the mighty Porkulus bill! A hero much like Ben Hur, or Hercules, or dare I even say, Luke Skywalker. From the depths of our political leader's minds comes this epic tale of how bad the U.S. economic status has been since the end of the reign of the evil G.W. Bush and his hundred year war against terror.

Imagine the United States as yourself with an ever growing family and the need for independence and individuality amongst society (in this case, other countries). You have probably accrued some debt throughout your life and would like to pay it off so that any extra income can be saved and spent on other things that matter much more than the monthly reoccurring bills. So how does one do that? You must live within your means and not spend more than you actually have. Save money on electric bills by purchasing blankets and sweaters for the winter, plant a garden so you can have your own organic foods, plan your trips wisely so you save more at the pump. Now, in terms of the United States, this is what I mean:

First, stimulate the economy by giving a check to every legal taxpaying working adult in the U.S. Start with somewhere between $3000 and $5000 each. That way, people can use the money how they best see fit: paying the mortgage, buying a new car, buying furniture or appliances, buying clothes and food and gas. When the public has money to spend, it creates a demand for jobs to supply the consumers with what they want. That would initiate the boom in the economy.

Next, eliminate property and income taxes. By removing these there would be no reason to fill out tax forms every year. Instead, if we had a national sales tax somewhere between 20 and 25%, things would even out for the average taxpayer. You only pay on those things you buy. Because of the human mind and how it works, if a working person sees that they have more money, they're gonna want to spend more money. Spending more money creates more urgency for more jobs which creates more money to spend . . . see where I'm going. It would also cause the government to regulate it's spending more closely because it would be living on a more "fixed income". Not to mention more businesses would open up and foreign markets would be able to expand into the United States thus creating more jobs.

Now speaking of jobs, only those qualified to work should work. Therefore, we create more jobs that do nothing but ship out all illegal aliens back to where they came from. I feel so strongly about this subject because my family is made up of immigrants. My father's side comes directly from Canada where my grandpa, grandma, dad, uncles and aunts were born. Also my brother in law came here from Morocco. All of them did it legally, and by the books and actually contribute to society. Why should I care about the welfare of those who did it all wrong and broke every rule in the book? There are roughly 23 million illegals in the U.S. that are sucking the life out of all us hard working tax paying citizens! Many of those illegals are also working and when they leave, wow, more jobs open up. Incredible! Now all those unemployed citizens can finally feed themselves and get off social security and food stamps. I don't in any way shun the fine Americans on social security and food stamps because I've had family in that situation. I only shun those who misuse the opportunity that keeps their families with full bellies and a roof over head. Also, did you know that approximately 1/3 of inmates are illegals? That's between 300,000 and 500,000. Each one costs us near $40,000 a year to keep alive with 3 hots and a cot. What a waste! I bet we can ship close to 50,000 illegals out of this country for nearly a dollar each. Send them back and watch the savings begin. By sending them back, the real workers can reap the rewards of better pay and benefits because employers have the extra cash to do so.

Social security. What to do. Well, make it privatized. The government should start a 401k for every working legal citizen and guarantee a 6% annual return. Companies could decide for themselves if they'd like to match what their employees are contributing to a certain extent. Now invest all this money in the U.S. Securities Exchange and the stock market would boom. If an individual decides they'd like to take a lump sum, the government can sell unused assets, and we know they have plenty.

Medicare/Medicaid: A private insurer would be contracted to provide a government sponsored medical insurance plan. People would be required to pay premiums based on their coverage needs and income. To make sure people are moving in the right way of getting healthy, gym memberships would be reimbursed and dietary supplements approved by the FDA would be reimbursed. Funding would be mostly spent on preventative medicines and methods rather than the treatment of illness. Obesity is rising in this country and all that weight creates problems: joint and bone problems, diabetes, organ failures, etc... People could always choose to go with other providers or none at all, but this would actually save the country money.

We can fix our environment while fixing the economy by overhauling our source of energy. Have huge tax incentives for companies that invest in solar power to power their buildings. Invest heavily in renewable power by building wind fields and solar power plants in less populated parts of our country. Establish grants for homeowners to refit their homes with solar cells and other renewable power sources. The more and more we become self sufficient the less we'll spend on coal and diesel powered plants. Even the possibility of shutting down nuclear power plants could become a reality.

Speaking of renewable energies, the development of more non-fossil fuel cars with zero sales tax could, and would, decrease our dependency on foreign oil and within two decades we could be completely free from the reigns of foreign oil. Prices on everyday items would decrease because it now costs less to ship them and since more profits are being made; more distribution of profits to employees can be possible thus adding to the cycle explained earlier.

So what now Mr. Anointed One? How 'bout them apples? Now you can roll up your mighty porkulus bill and smoke it with your radical friends.